This is the first time in my life I have given myself permission to not quickly resolve or solve any emotions that cannot be simply labeled as happy or good. This is the first time I am allowing myself to sit quietly with feelings and emotions that are uncomfortable, a bit murky, and a bit muddled. My normal mode of operating is to identify that an emotion isn't "good" and then figure out how to not feel it as soon as possible. I thought what I was doing was healthy, but lately I have been realizing I wasn't resolving anything, I was just suppressing the emotions and feelings and slowly over time it became much more unbearable. 

And it isn't that I swept these feelings under the rug. It was more, if I could put a label on it, assign it to a pretty little trinket box, it made me feel like I took care of it. The feelings were "managed" because I organized it after a brief acknowledgement of "Yup, yup, you're there. Cool, cool, now let's put you away so you don't bother anyone."

In my earlier journal entry, most people who know me in real life, who I have always shown up as my lighthearted, light filled self, are having a bit of a time adjusting that I actually am not that ALL the time, and that itself is OK. My husband every morning the past week has been asking "Are you feeling better now? Are you ok now?" and I have started to tell him "I am allowing myself to sit with my feelings. There is nothing wrong with me, I am just being, and right now me just being looks like this."

For the past few months I have been doing so much acts of self care because I didn't realize how much I was, am hurting. And you know, it isn't a particular or singular thing, person, or event. It is just years, upon years of suppressing waves and bouts of sadness, anger, disappointment, of not standing up for myself and not creating stronger boundaries to protect my peace, my time, and my heart.

In a way acts of self care have been a way for me to self soothe without realizing that's what I was doing. Often times I think of self care as more of acts of rewarding myself for working really hard or getting through a difficult season, but lately I have been doing acts of self care as what I think the actual purpose is, to CARE FOR ONE'S SELF. 

And I feel dumb to even be admitting this. I mean literally, No Duh Einstein! The words are literally SELF CARE. But sometimes the proverbial apple just has to smack you in the center of your face for it to register a bell. And sometimes, in my case, it has to smack you a couple of times before you notice "Oh! Ow! Fuck! That hurts, why are you throwing apples?" Self care shouldn't be something we do for ourselves just once in awhile when the going gets tough and we made it. It should be an act of kindness we give to ourselves daily. To care, nourish, tend, and hold space for myself feels kind of foreign and even selfish and I recognize there is a voice inside of me that goes "Wow, you're really self absorbed aren't you?" (Weird, it sounds like my Mom's voice... but let's not get into THAT.)

My Acts of Self Care

During the early months of quarantine, I had watched a documentary film on Tasha Tudor called "Take Joy! The Magical World of Tasha Tudor" and imagine my delight when she herself admitted to living by those same words by Henry David Thoreau! I took it as one of those cosmic signs that all was or would be well in the world. 

An Invitation To Promise

And so, dear friend, I invite you to continue reading and embark upon the rest of this month or here thereafter, whichever pleases you, to make 3 promises to yourself that will ensure you are living that life you imagine for yourself or at least heading in that direction.

"...to make a ribbon promise means to be truly honest with yourself and your abilities, willpower, and self control and being clear on your intention for your promise"

The whole mypiggywiggy team and I shared our 3 promises with one another when we met again this week after holiday break and it lead to some heartfelt conversations about self care and what that means for each of us. It also lead to more meaningful conversations and getting to know one another better as you cannot make genuine promises to yourself that you hope to keep if you are not truly honest with where you are in life and how you show up for yourself.

Different from making New Years Resolutions (which 80% lead to failure), a ribbon promise should be small and simple and related to one of your goals for the year. Making a bold resolution to be "Healthy This Year!" is all fine and well, but let's be honest, if you were not living a healthy life in 2020, it's doubtful you'll do a 180 in 2021. I'm not saying it isn't POSSIBLE, but to make a ribbon promise means to be truly honest with yourself and your abilities, willpower, and self control and being clear on your intention for your promise. 

...but rather, a ribbon promise is one singular simple promise you will keep to yourself to take that small step forward..."

So let's say perhaps your goal IS to be the healthiest version of yourself for 2021. Remember, you have ALL YEAR. And this isn't to say you can just start your new healthy habits (or attempts at them) later this November...but rather, a ribbon promise is one singular simple promise you will keep to yourself to take that small step forward towards the healthier you, whatever that means for you. 

You want to make promises that set you up to succeed! Small promises that turn into good habits. Small promises that bring joy. The reason most New Years Resolutions fail (80% of them do according to studies) is because they're too big. Successfully attaining your goals means creating new (good) habits and breaking old (bad) habits.

Do mind your language dear.

When you decide on your promises, reflect on them in a positive way and do mind your language and how you speak your promises! Instead of saying "I promise to not eat pastries and cake for the entire month of January" (which if you're anything like me, the mere voicing of denying myself any sort of confection makes me want it all the more, so I will utterly fail within a week) say this instead "I promise to treat myself to a pastry just once a week in January." Now your language is no longer taking away but rather something to look forward to! Instead of depriving yourself pastries all month, you're promising to give yourself a treat once a week! Hooray!

Les Femmes Adored Chimes In

One of the gals at the office, Christine, wants to focus on her health for 2021. So after some conversation she made the simple promise of drinking one glass of water with her morning coffee everyday in January. 

Hannah's goals for 2021 were not quite as linear, but after a heart felt chat, we encouraged her to promise to watch her language and how she speaks to herself when she feels she feels she's fallen off the bandwagon. Instead of saying "I'm not going to order take out this month!", she will say "I get to try a new recipe this week!" 

One of Ellie's promises is to dedicate an hour a week to create art and not judge herself and her work so much. 

And of course there are my promises! I have made three promises and each one I assigned to each of the ribbons above. And because we are friends I will share with you all three of my promises. 

Rodellee's Ribbons of Promises for January

I promise to dedicate 15 minutes a day to my mind, body, or spirit.

I promise to pick up/put away 2 things every time I leave a room.

I promise to meal plan for all of January

My first promise relates to my goal of self care in the physical, mental, and spiritual senses. My second promise relates to my goal to have a tidier house. And my third promise relates to wanting to save more money by not getting take out food so much (though I would like to add we were ordering so much takeout to support small business restaurants! But after looking at our bank statements and tallying up how much we spent on take out in 2020... well, one would nearly faint)

So dear friend and reader, do have a think about the three promises you will keep to yourself this month. Grab a few ribbons or strings or twine, whatever you have on hand. Cut them them into three equal lengths, and then tie them into bows after you've said out loud what three promise you will keep to yourself this month in pursuit of a happier, better, lovelier, you.

Facebook promotes shallow relationships.

Most of the friends I had on Facebook were acquaintances from Los Angeles or Poland, (+48)355712125 or people I had lost touch with a long time ago from high school that I had no interest in reconnecting with (the feeling was obviously mutual as none of them cared to reach out to me aside from the acceptance of a friend request). I started to notice that while I would scroll through my feed (John got a new truck, Samantha's cousin is pregnant with her second baby, Alice and Greg got engaged) I know I did not really care about these life events because despite us being "Facebook friends", we had never developed any sort of relationship past a computer screen and the occasional "like" uptick. I didn't want this in my life. I want deep, genuine, relationships in my life with close friends and family. I started to really notice how shallow all my relationships were on Facebook. No one bothered to go any deeper or genuinely reach out and ask "Hey, how are you doing?" because a simple emoji or meme could say it all. But it shouldn't be that way. We are complex, emotional, and layered people with stories to tell. 

I'm one of those people that will not ask you "How are you?" if I don't genuinely want to know and have an ear to listen. Similarly, I will not offer to wash your dishes or help clear the table if I didn't actually want to do it. I hate lip service, words without action are empty to me. I started to notice that Facebook was becoming this place of all talk, no action. No one actually wanted to talk about anything. My general guideline for posting anything, anywhere is "If you don't want to talk about it, don't post about it." Seems simple enough, no?

Facebook added no positive value to my life and started making me really anxious

This was the next biggest reason I deleted my Facebook. I'm not a naturally anxious person, I'm pretty level headed and I can be calm in most stressful situations. For years now my Facebook feed started to become this platform where friends would post measurements of morals and ethics and the JUDGEMENT explicitly or implicitly shown to those not in agreement became mind boggling. In the past year or so my Facebook went from babies and vacations to a tirade of hate, passive aggressive finger pointing, cancel culture, and directives on how you should be living your life, what you should believe, otherwise we can't be friends anymore! Jeeze Louise, I'm just here to see your funny cat videos!

Now when a friend says "Augh, did you see what So-n-So posted on Facebook? Like seriously?" I can just say "Nope, sorry, I don't have Facebook anymore" and thus ends the cycle of gossip and wasting time thinking about things that are none of my business.

Here are some of the POSITIVE things that have happened since leaving Facebook... 

• Read 2 books so far (not being on Facebook decreased my screen time by at least an hour a day!)
• Wrote actual letters and sent actual cards in the mail and expecting responses in my mailbox soon
• Baked something new every other week
• Shared baked goods with friends and neighbors
• Made lumpia for our neighbors who just had a baby and they in turn wrote us the sweetest "Thank You" card and invited us for social distancing pie on the porch
• My patio garden is thriving!
• We cleaned the basement!
• Lots of home cooking and backyard BBQs
• Genuinely reconnected/connected with family (this was a big one for me)
• Regularly journaling every week
• Quality time with friends in real life and that's when we catch up and shoot the breeze
• Our home has been a lot cleaner, more organized
• Sleeping better

If social media has been making you more anxious lately, consider taking a break from it. Before I deleted my Facebook account, the baby step I took was to bury the app icon in my phone. The next step was to delete the app. 

I made sure I had other forms of contact (email or phone number) of anyone I cared to keep in touch with (mostly family) so if you do want to delete your Facebook, do a quick run through all the people you are connected with on Facebook and get another form of contact from them. 

Now you might ask yourself, why is there an mypiggywiggy Facebook Community Group then that's been started up recently? Well, I have a "work" profile on Facebook still to stay connected to business related groups and I wanted to create SOMETHING positive on Facebook that promotes the thing I was sorely missing from my personal account, fostering genuine friendships with kindred spirits. 

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love. – Marcus Aurelius 

As a self confessed quiantrelle, I love waking up early and having a slow leisurely morning for breakfast, getting lost down an inspiration rabbit hole on my phone, catching up on the morning news, and morning snuggles with my love and our pup... it is why I set our work hours to be 10-6, because mornings are for waking, reflecting, and preparing one's self for the day.

It’s so easy to be grateful for a flower, for a bug, for a beautiful day. Louie Schwartzberg

Sometimes I don't get the privilege to have a leisurely morning because there are so many things on my to-do list and I'm just trying to rush out the door and knock things off that list as quickly as possible. This isn't ideal, but it is a reality and you must remember, we can't always have those ideal mornings. 

However, acknowledging the importance of morning rituals for your mental, spiritual, and physical health is a good reminder to practice little habits every morning that help ground and center you. 

Here are some 5 Morning Ritual Ideas you can try and consider...

1. Practice gratitude. Take 5 mins to just think about all the things you are grateful for. Maybe it's for a comfortable bed that offered a good night's rest or perhaps gratitude for sunshine peeking through your curtains after a week long rain spell. Get into a habit of saying thank you. If you are spiritual or religious, thank a higher being for the good things in your life. 

2. Enjoy a cup of coffee or tea. Take the time to make yourself your morning beverage and drink it from your favorite coffee mug or vintage tea cup. 

3. Practice positive personal affirmation. Sometimes we have cruddy days. I know I look in the mirror sometimes and think "Wow, I'm really starting to show my age." Or I might notice in the shower I've gotten a lot softer in the middle. Instead of dwelling on the negative sides I try to think "Oh, I have laugh lines around my eyes, I'm a happy and positive person that always strives to see the sunny side of life..." You don't have to use floral hippy dippy language, you could just give yourself a thumbs up and know you're doing your very best to be as a good of a human as you can be during this temporary time we have here on this beautiful Earth.

4. Do something physical or silly. Put on a song, something that makes you move or dance around. No shame, I've totally played Taylor Swift's song that talks about bakers gonna bake and haters gonna hate. I can't recall the title, but it's really fun to dance around like a fool in while brushing my teeth. Serenade your dog, your cat, the portrait of your grandmother...

5. Practice meditation and awareness. I am horrible at meditating because I have a very difficult time quieting my thoughts. However, I've borrowed a trick from Rupaul and that is to imagine your spirit floating out of your Earthly body and just hovering above yourself and being aware of your surroundings and how you are being and functioning in the space around you and the people you are with. Then imagine your spirit rising outside of your home. What do you notice about the world around you? Then pull back further, you're outside your town, your city. Your country. What do you notice? Then reverse the process and start imagining your spirit floating back into your body.